


ain't no chariots of fire come to take me home (i'm lost in the woods and i wander alone)

by Ford_Ye_Fiji



Series: Whumptober 2020 [10]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Five is a foul mouthed boyyy, Gen, Hurt Number Five | The Boy, Hurt/Comfort, No hugs but there is comfort, Number Five | The Boy Has Issues, Number Five | The Boy Needs A Hug, Number Five | The Boy Whump, Number Five | The Boy is So Done, The title is too long and also pretentious, but also I love those lyrics so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:22:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27014953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ford_Ye_Fiji/pseuds/Ford_Ye_Fiji
Summary: Day 14: Heat exhaustionKlaus and Five have a much needed conversation
Series: Whumptober 2020 [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1947877
Comments: 21
Kudos: 283
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	ain't no chariots of fire come to take me home (i'm lost in the woods and i wander alone)

"It’s hot out here." 

"No way, really, Klaus? It’s hot out here? Who could’ve guessed that it would be  _ hot _ in a fucking  _ desert! _ " 

Klaus flinched back from Five's vehemence, holding his hands up placatingly, "Geez, Five. It was just a remark about the weather." 

Five snarled, marching away from him, "Yeah! A remark you’ve made  _ ten fucking times _ . We  _ know _ it’s hot-  _ I _ know it’s hot- everyone here is aware that it’s hot!" 

Klaus pressed his lips together. Five glared, " _ What? _ What is it?" 

He managed to squeak, "Ben doesn't?"

Five's eyes narrowed, "Oh, Klaus, I’m going to- I’m going to-“ 

He whirled, fists clenching and unclenching, fury mounting, "I’ll kill you, Klaus. I will. I’ll  _ kill _ you. Any minute now." 

Klaus snorted, following his brother, "Sure you will. Like you’d undo all your hard apocalypse work." 

Five whirled around, throwing up his hands, "No! The apocalypse is still on! You all brought it to 1963! My work has already been undone! And now, we're out here in the middle of fucking nowhere because  _ you _ couldn’t keep it in your pants!" 

Klaus scoffed, folding his arms, "What? Five c'mon, this apocalypse thing is really starting to sound like am addiction-“ 

Five snarled, pulling at his hair, "Oh fuck you, Klaus.  _ Fuck you. _ I didn’t  _ choose _ this! I didn’t  _ want _ there to be a second apocalypse! But thanks to you all, there's another one anyway!" 

"Hey! We didn’t ask to be stuck here! I thought you all were dead for years!" Klaus gestured wildly, “I was here so long, alone, thinking you had died!”

"I  _ knew _ you were dead for  _ forty-five years _ , asshole!" Five gestured at the emptiness around them, face pale, voice breaking, "You all  _ were _ dead for forty-five years! You, right now?  _ You’re _ the ghost to me! You’re the phantoms that I’m trying so desperately to save! And I will do anything to save you all, despite your  _ best efforts _ to remain dead! So yes,  _ fuck you, _ Klaus! Fuck all of you!" 

Five wiped at his eyes, grimacing before he pointed again at his gobsmacked brother, "I’ve seen you dead, twice now. I’ve lived my  _ whole _ life  _ knowing _ you were dead. So I’m sorry for time traveling twice and saving your life. I’m sorry for failing to save the world along with you! I’m sorry I’m such a failure! But I don’t want to hear one damn thing about this being an addiction until after it’s over! You hear me?" 

Klaus nodded, frantically. 

Five turned, storming away, snapping angrily, voice curiously wet, "Good. Now let’s move on." 

Klaus stumbled after him, nose wrinkling as the sun beat down, sweat beading on his forehead, "Five, wait!"

Five turned, lips curling within disgust, face pale and lips bloodless, blue eyes wild, "Five, did you really mean that?"

Five's brows furrowed and Klaus noticed that... he wasn’t sweating. Warning bells sounded in his head as Five blinked at him, "Klaus- I  _ swear- _ “ he swayed, and then, his knees buckled. 

Klaus yelped, grabbing at his brother only to end up falling to the ground with him. Klaus spluttered, spitting sand out of his mouth as he pushed himself upwards. Ben shook his head, brows furrowed with worry, "He really doesn’t look good, Klaus." 

Klaus muttered as he lifted Five up, his brother’s head lolling in his arms, "Yeah, he probably passed out from all that shouting." 

Ben huffed, "This is serious, Klaus. I think it’s heat exhaustion."

Klaus bit his lip, feeling Five's thready pulse and too dry skin, radiating heat like a furnace, "Yeah. He’s wearing too many clothes too." 

He slapped Five's cheeks, "Hey, hey! Wake up little man!"

Five's brows furrowed, lips twisting as he blinked, "Klaus?" He weakly swatted him away, "Leave'm alone.” 

"No can do, buddy. You’ve gotta strip." He paused, holding up a finger, "Wait that sounded bad." 

Ben rolled his eyes as his brother continued, "You need to stop wearing so much in this heat. The sweater and the jacket have got to go." 

Five struggled up, grabbing Klaus's hair and pulling himself into an upright position. Klaus sputtered, folding forward as Five pulled, "Ow ow ow!" 

Five let go, swaying in place as he stood. Klaus rubbed his head, "That  _ hurt _ , Five! Why are you so  _ mean _ ?" 

Five glared, tugging at his jacket and tying it around his waist, "We're going to need to protect ourselves from sunburn too."

Klaus glowered at him, "Sweater too." 

Five scoffed, pulling at it before stopping with a pained twist of his lips. He huffed, "Can..." he sighed again, quiet, "Can you help?" 

Klaus raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms petulantly, "Oh? You need my help? I’m sorry I can’t. My head hurts.  _ Somebody _ pulled my hair.”

Five glared, mirroring Ben almost perfectly, not that he would ever know it. Klaus sighed, pushing himself to his feet, "Fine. Fine, I’ll help you take it off. I don’t know why you need me to, I thought you were a big boy-“ 

He helped Five pull the sweater off, Five stumbling and then wincing, pressing a hand to his chest. 

Klaus cocked his head, "Uh buddy, what’s wrong with you?" 

Five spat, " _ Nothing _ . I’m  _ fine _ ." 

Klaus's eyes narrowed, "Oh no you don’t. You literally just fainted. Let me see-“ 

"Hey, no!” 

Klaus reached forward and Five slapped him away, "Don’t touch me!"

"Oh, are we doing this now?"

"If you touch me, I’ll break your neck and use your head as a drinking gourd-“ 

"Ben says to let me look!” 

Ben nodded, " _ Actually _ , I support that." 

Five huffed, eyeing his brother distrustfully, "Really?" 

Klaus looked at Ben who shrugged and then back to Five, nodding, "Yeah, totally!" 

Five deflated, lifting the hem of his shirt to reveal a wound, red and angry, but stitched closed, more bruises purpling and mottling the rest of his chest, "It’s nothing, it’s just shrapnel. It’s all stitched up and everything-“ 

Klaus gaped, flummoxed, "What? When did you get a shrapnel wound?"

Five groaned, "Twenty-nineteen. I escaped the Commission. It was what, Wednesday? It was when I finally got you fucks to listen to me." 

Klaus gaped, letting the shirt fall back, "But- Five! This wound is fresh! It could’ve happened a couple days ago!" 

Five raised an eyebrow, "And your point is?" 

"The apocalypse was three years ago, little Number Five!"

Five threw out his hands, "Time travel, genius. It’s been a few days for me. I got here literally a few days ago." 

Kluas's mouth opened and closed, "You- I..." 

He closed it. 

Five sighed with relief, "Finally. Silence." 

He snatched his sweater and started walking away, panting from the exertion after only a few steps. Klaus scrambled after him, "Wait, Five!” 

Five glowered at him as Klaus settled into a walk beside him. He opened his mouth and then sighed, Ben nodding at him. He finally began, "I’m- I'm sorry for telling you the apocalypse was an addiction. ...When you do fix it- save the world and all,  _ then _ I’ll tell you it’s an addiction."

Five stared up at him, unreadable as he continued awkwardly, "And uh, I’m sorry for getting us dumped out here. Though, to be fair, it was either that or die." 

Five snorted, shaking his head, "...I’m sorry too, Klaus. For getting you stuck here for so long." His eyes were hard and flinty as he stared at the horizon, "I wouldn’t... I wouldn’t wish that on anyone." 

Klaus nudged his shoulder, unable to stop the small smile pulling at his lips, "Aw, really old man? I don’t think it was totally your fault. Luther definitely had something to do with it." 

Five snorted, steadying himself, "Yeah, I suppose he did." 

Klaus smiled, and took Five's hand. Five glanced up at him, irritated again, "I don’t need you to hold my hand, Klaus. I’m not a child." 

He opened his mouth to tell me that he certainly looked like one, and that he had literally just fainted, but what came out instead was, "Yeah, but  _ I _ am." 

He pouted, fluttering his lashes. 

Five choked on a laugh. 

Klaus grinned.

Their hands remained clasped. 

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is here: https://ford-ye-fiji.tumblr.com/


End file.
